this story needs to be told :)

So there is such a thing as a land crab. And there are certain land crabs on untouched type islands (like Grenada) that grow to be massive beasts the size of footballs and are actually called "terrestrial" crabs.  Seriously, look it up.  When I first got here, before moving into my own place, I was housed for three weeks by my work at a "resort" that had outside covered screened-in kitchenette huts that longer term guests (like myself) could use to cook in if they were getting tired of buying dinner in the overpriced "resort" restaurant. The one and only evening I ventured to said kitchenette area I was confronted by a terrestrial crab who stood between me and the doorway, starring me down with hands (claws) on football sized hips as if to say "who are you lassie, thinking you can come into my kitchen!?" In fact Terrestrial didn't even have to say that, his linebacker stance said it all. And upon hearing my enthusiastic "HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE F*#K ARE YOU!!!??" whisper scream, Terrestrial sideways sauntered his big football self behind my fridgerator.  Needless to say, I never returned.  And Terrestrial likely ate the fridge for dinner.